Encouraging a Positive Body Image in Your Child

Over the weekend, I read an article by Lisa Damour about the explosion of eating disorders in teenagers during the pandemic.

While reading the article, my brain was immediately flooded with a waterfall of my own childhood memories, like:

• Being told I was “too big” for the part after auditioning for the theatre Annie.

• Choosing the one-piece swimsuit so I didn't have to show my belly at a pool party

• Hearing my mom and her friends talk about the fat they needed to lose

• And having several adults tell me how “healthy” I looked at one of my soccer games

When I got home from that particular soccer game, I still remember staring at myself in the mirror and thinking, "but WHY do I look "so healthy"? How has my body changed?"

I was used to hearing the adults in my life talk about working out and needing to lose weight, but this was the first time I really internalized the message that being thin and attractive in our society means more attention and more success.

In the next few months and years, that message would reverberate throughout my mind (and soul), turning into what looked like a serious eating order from the outside, but what felt like success from the inside.

Body image and disordered eating is something I talk about in my courses (like this course about self-care for tweens) because I believe that awareness is key in beginning to notice and shift the messaging around us.

Each time my students and I talk about body image, I am increasingly surprised by the vast amount of body messages kids have already internalized by the age of just 9 or 10 years old.

Things like: Skinny bodies are better. You do NOT want pimples. Boys should have big muscles. Fat is gross. You don't want to be too thick or too thin.

drawing by kids in one of my courses about how to practice having a positive body image

These classes have made me realize that messages about our bodies are everywhere. Recognizing, talking about, and shifting those messages can change the outcome of children's and teenagers' lives.

So what can you do to counter the unrealistic messages kids and teens are inundated with about their bodies?

1. Be aware of the messages you have internalized and are sending about food, weight, fat, and your own body. How do you speak about your body and or others' bodies?

If you hear yourself talking negatively about your body, pause, reflect, and restate the message (in a way that aligns with your deeper truth).

Focusing on food as our fuel and our bodies as the vehicle of our life is my go-to message for encouraging a positive body image in myself and others.

Healthy eating habits, cooking, exercising, and feeling good from the inside-out encourages a more realistic body image, too.

2. Another important skill to teach your kids and teens is the ability to be aware of and question the messages we are constantly receiving from friends, social media, video games, and our society.

When we become questioners of the messages from outside sources, it empowers us to (1) continue recognizing those messages (whether it be about bodies, success, or anything else) and (2) choose what is really true for us.

One way to begin putting this in practice is by noticing what messages are shown in a movie or show and asking your child if they think these people are a true representation of human bodies or experiences (or whatever else the message entails)?

3. Lastly, when your teen or child is struggling with change and uncertainty, recognize any abnormal behaviors and talk to them about it. Help them focus on what is within their control (their actions, words, how they respond to others, or their attitude).

Retain a sense of routine at home and integrate rituals in the day to help “anchor” their minds in their bodies. Try not to put too much attention on the changes, but instead, focus on what we can control within the changes.

As for my own body image, I am still working to notice and shift the messages that pop up for me, and reclaim my truth about my body and all bodies.

During this process, I am reminded how grateful I am for the mindful awareness practices that continue to lead me back to my truth.

And I will continue to look for ways to guide and inspire kids with the same practices in a way that feels engaging and meaningful for them.